I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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