Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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