great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she told me i tasted like america
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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