I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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