So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
