Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Randomize
