He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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