Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
