i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
