Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm at about main and main street
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
