Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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