I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I will die if light touches me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
