btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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