I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
