She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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