It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
