i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
