I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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