I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
