I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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