so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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