yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she looked like the before picture.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
