Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
