Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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