She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
