if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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