I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
