Screwed.edu
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
