I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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