He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
