No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
