this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
