yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
