Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
