Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
