Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
