I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
MIDGETS
????
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
