How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
