My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
