My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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