She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
