Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
