girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
