6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize