How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
