I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm bleeding and have questions
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize