Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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