Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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