Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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