My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize