is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
