This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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