I will die if light touches me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
