Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
