I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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