My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
