And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
