Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
