I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
