sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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