I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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