there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize