Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
