first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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