I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
nutella sex= disaster
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I could fuck to npr.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When are your genitals available?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
