You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you traded sex for a burrito?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
