I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
