it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's just so happy...and so naked.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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