everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
