sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dignity is for republicans.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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