It's Friday. Sex?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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