He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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