So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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